[Reader-list] future mumbai....

[Arvind Lodaya]

Recently, the State government announced its plans to rename the 
Prince of Wales museum as the Chhatrapati Shivaji Vastusangrahlaya.
So now we have that in addition to the Chhatrapti Shivaji Terminus, 
the Chhatrapati Shivaji International Airport, the Chhatrapati 
Shivaji Domestic Airport, and who knows what else.
If this trend continues, we may reasonably speculate what it will be 
like in 2050AD.
My name is Chhatrapati Shivaji. My father's name is Chhatrapati 
Shivaji. All other names have long since been outlawed.
I wake up everyday at 6:30 am CST (Chhatrapati Standard Time) to go 
to my school: Chhatrapati Shivaji Vidyalaya.
It was a little confusing getting there at first, because all schools 
in the city have the same name. But once I got directions, it was 
fine. All I have to do is go down Chhatrapati Shivaji Road, make a 
left turn at Chhatrapati Shivaji Chowk, go straight till Chhatrapati 
Shivaji Marg, until I reach Chhatrapati Shivaji School.
Once I got lost and found myself at Chhatrapati Shivaji Chowk instead 
of Chhatrapati Shivaji Road. Silly mistake, when I think about it.
My class teacher, Mr C. Shivaji, is a good teacher. Today he asked, 
"Chhatrapati, can you answer that question?" The whole class stood up 
to answer. Yesterday our school, C. S. Vidyalaya, had a cricket match 
with our rival school, C. S. Vidyalaya. Of course, we don't know 
which school won.
But that's okay. This weekend, my family and I will go to the zoo, 
Chhatrapati Shivaji Pranibaugh, and see all the, um... plants. There 
used to be animals there, but they're all dead now. They say it was 
due to "negligence" because the keepers were all running for 
government, one of them for the office of Prime Chhatrapati.
We have two main telecommunication companies, CSNL and CSNL. One 
provides telephone services and the other provides broadband MultiNet 
access via the Chhatrapati Shivaji Satellite. Sometimes we don't know 
whether we're accessing a website or whether Chhatrapati Shivaji (our 
grandmother) is calling up. I'll go online later to see if I have any 
new e-mail at chhatrapati at chhatrapatishivaji.cs
Foreigners are often confused which Paanch Sitaara Vishramgraha 
(5-ishtar hotel) to stay in, because they all have the same names. I 
think the Chhatrapati Shivaji Vishramgraha is pretty good, and one 
should stay there rather than the Chhatrapati Shivaji Vishramgraha or 
the Chhatrapati Shivaji Vishramgraha.
During the weekend, my family and I might go to the beach, the 
Chhatrapati Shivaji Samudrakinara, and after that we may go see a 
film. All foreign films are dubbed in Indian languages because, as we 
are taught in school:
(1) Nothing foreign is good, and
(2) All things foreign that are good have been stolen from us.
I go to sleep pretty early, after watching the popular TV show Kaun 
Banega Chhatrapati.
Tomorrow will be another day... I think. Sometimes, in whispers, I 
hear stories told of a mythical age long ago, when places and things 
had different names. Stories of a time when each thing had it's own 
name, and of a concept called "heterogeneity". It's a legend, only 
half-believed, of a time when places and things had a history, and 
the city an identity.
Date: 22 November, 450 AC (After Chhatrapati)
Place: Chhatrapati Shivaji Mahanagar (Formerly Bombay City)