[Reader-list] kashmir story, but true

Tue Oct 13 00:09:45 IST 2009

Thanks dear Nandni
when  i heard this, i was myself shocked. I had no urge to know the
details,  and Anil too was not keen to tell me more than what he told.

all i can add to it that if feel sad

regards
love
is

On Mon, Oct 12, 2009 at 12:44 PM, Nandini Sen <nandini.c.sen at gmail.com> wrote:
> It seems extremely strange and I sincerely wonder if the bond of friendship
> can be carried as far as the woman of the house being offered as a
> gift.Where have you encountered this story and how can you vouch for its
> veracity? Given the fact that it actually happened, is it just because of
> friendship and an honest desire to gift something unique to a friend or
> there is much more to it than meets the eye? I suspect the latter. Women
> have always paid with their bodies which have been commodified in the
> patriarchal set up. This,however, seems different as the woman is seen to
> have some agency but does not use it. Please let me know more on this story.
> Warm Regards,
> Nandini
>
>
> Nandini.C.Sen (PhD)
> Asst. Professor.
> D.U.
> On Sun, Oct 11, 2009 at 2:57 PM, Inder Salim <indersalim at gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>> Even if I was a writer, I will find it difficult to write.  But here
>> it is, in simple words, with very little of what might have actually
>> happened that night. This is just one case, so nothing to generalize,
>> and there is a lot to imagine:
>>
>> To begin with, Kashmir has two distinct identities, One Muslim and
>> other Hindu identity. Proportion wise there is no contrast, but if we
>> see it in historical  perspective, then  the hindu identity looks as
>> much visible as Muslim .
>>
>> It is here that both the communities have a bond, a strange one that
>> the cruel times of 1990 could not erase from  their collective memory.
>>
>> We all know Kashmiri Pandits migrated from the valley to Jammu and
>> other parts of India when Kashmiri uprising actually thought of
>> erasing all those traces in Kashmir which are associated with India.
>> Kashmiri Pandit was one such visible face of that long list of Indian
>> articles. So, KP’s had to move out leaving  behind home and hearth,
>> friends and fields, and I largely blame Indian Kashmir policy for
>> that.  Hate between these two communities hit the lowest during that
>> time, but times, as we know have different things in store, and we see
>> lot of hugs and warm exchanges between the two communities.  Muslims
>> help KPs as and when they visit valley, and Hindus too support their
>> children outside Kashmir. The bond is really deeper than what
>> politically remains elusive.
>>
>> But, when Mr. Anil ( named changed ) a KP visited his village he was
>> surprised by  something more than  a warm hug. Mr. Anil is a 1990
>> graduate but could not find a job in Jammu and is still unemployed and
>> a bachelor. His family’s ancestral land is quite in shambles, and he
>> is thinking to dispose that property to live decently in Jammu. That
>> is that.
>>
>> On entering his village he met his class mates and other friends who
>> are now married and living independently. During his month long stay
>> in his village he spent nights at homes of  different friends.
>>
>> It happened one night, during his stay when he was surprised by a mid
>> night whisper. It was his friend, Nazir ( name changed), who  was
>> offering him to have sex with his wife.  Mr. Anil, said no, no, but
>> Nazir insisted and wanted sincerely to gift something meaningful to
>> his friend, something different, so the idea of offering him his wife
>> was born.  Anil accepted the offer after he initially hesitated, which
>> followed by a repeat next day even.  One woman between two friends:
>> one hindu and other muslim. In simple words it was a group sex, but
>> Anil is now guilty and feels that it was too animal like, as Nazir’s
>> wife was not a willing partner in all of that.
>>
>> Nazir is an ex-militant, which Anil knew  since 1990. Anil and Nazir
>> have an inbuilt trust between them and that easily translated into
>> Anil’s willingness to stay at his home for couple of nights, and even
>> accept the most dangerous offer.  This  Kashmiri woman’s  role easily
>> falls into the popular feminist discourse, and questions the very
>> nature of male oriented agendas around our political spectrum.
>>
>> Nazir’s offer to Anil comes  because of two reasons. One, that Nazir
>> had actually experienced group sex during his activist days, and does
>> not see it as sin, and secondly he saw a meaning in the Anil’s
>> presence in his home, which he knew not how to express, because he is
>> poor and can not offer him a gift.  Is KP still a purer breed in
>> Kashmir,  I am wondering?
>>
>> And, as we know, woman  suffered terribly in Kashmir. First it was
>> Nazir and his friends who were given hero’s welcome wherever they went
>> with arms, and were obviously not stopped for their sexual excitement
>> during nights at different hide outs in different homes. And the
>> victim: as usual a woman.
>>
>> But what happened at Nazir’s home has different layering besides what
>> happens during group sex etc. Anil and Nazir are perhaps restoring
>> this bond at the cost of a dignity of a woman, which Nazir could not
>> see that evening, and Anil is seeing it now. I am sure, Nazir too must
>> be feeling  guilty somewhere in his heart, Anil told me.
>>
>> Now the question is do we suggest Nazir to meet a psychoanalyst? Is he
>> sick, or is he too a victim of circumstances. Or he is simply a male,
>> who does not know how to measure the dignity of a woman.  Or is Anil
>> to blame for what he agreed to do with a helpless woman in the
>> presence of her husband.
>>
>> Comments please
>>
>> With love and regards
>> Inder salim
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> --
>>
>> http://indersalim.livejournal.com
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