[Reader-list] Fwd: (Fwd)Men Kidnapped and Forced Into Marriage By Deepali Gaur Singh, RH Reality Check. Posted September 21, 2009.

[Venugopalan K M]

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Venugopalan K M <kmvenuannur at gmail.com>
Date: Wed, Sep 23, 2009 at 2:09 PM
Subject: (Fwd)Men Kidnapped and Forced Into Marriage By Deepali Gaur
Singh, RH Reality Check. Posted September 21, 2009.
To: foil-l at insaf.net


   http://www.alternet.org/story/142785/men_kidnapped_and_forced_into_marriage?page=entire


Marriage is an extremely critical social institution in the Indian
context. For a majority of country it is traditionally viewed as the
only way to continue the family and thereby repay one's debt to
his/her ancestors.

Unfortunately, over time it is invariably the bride's family that
carries the material burden that the reparation of these debts entail.
Consequently, marriage has come to be symbolized as such a burden upon
the girl's family that it determines the "de-valuation" of girls over
their lifetime.
The tremendous social and financial burden of an impending marriage of
a daughter 18 years later is enough compulsion for many to kill infant
girls if they do not already have the wherewithal to selectively
terminate pregnancies on the basis of the sex of the fetus. Dowry at
the time of marriage and throughout marriage and the gender imbalance
in nurture and care of children all eventually play itself out even in
this social institution and gets manifested in the manner in which
marriage is symbolized as a burden for the girl's parents and a
money-minting enterprise for the boy's parents.

A rather peculiar and alarming practice that locates itself in certain
parts of the country exhibits this same gender imbalance in a
frighteningly unique manner. Poverty and the inability to muster a
"decent" dowry for the daughter's marriage; the scandalous possibility
of an unmarried daughter at home and the social stigma attached to it
has led to desperate measures in certain parts of the country. A
recent government survey shows 209 men were kidnapped in the country
last year. They were forced into marriage. The age group of these
prospective grooms varied from 10 to 50 years.

This is a trend that is more common in the less prosperous and
backward state of Bihar in eastern India. Evidenced here for decades -
it is a state where the kidnappings of men are at par with women, in
fact even higher, according to the report, "Crime in India - 2007" of
the National Crime Records Bureau of India. Though still more young
girls than boys are kidnapped for marriage, there are parts of India
where kidnappings of boys for marriage occur more frequently than for
ransom.

The proof of the prevalence of this practice is in the fear that grips
parents of "eligible" bachelors in certain parts of Bihar (which are
known for this) as the wedding season approaches every year. One has
personal memories tied to train journeys through this region when
co-passengers secured doors of the train coaches when transiting here,
less out of the fear of being robbed but more out of the fear of
pakadua shaadis or the kidnappings of young men for forced marriages.

>From what once sounded more legend, less fact, it is a menace that has
assumed alarming proportions in recent years and spread to the
neighboring districts too. The massive pressure of increasing dowry
demands and the inability of most parents to fulfill them has resulted
in families seeking the services of criminal gangs that kidnap
unmarried men and force them into wedlock. Even as cases might appear
rampant in certain areas many go unreported out of fear of these local
criminals.

According to the police, over the years it has turned into a
high-profit, low-risk business that many gangs thrive on as they earn
a sizeable commission from these marriage-related kidnappings. And by
stretching the saying of "honor among thieves" a little further, their
responsibility does not end with the abduction alone. They ensure that
the marriage is solemnized and the girl sent to the boy's home.

Forced marriages in India tread a very thin line between approved and
coerced because marriages are often arranged by the parents and the
community with the couples hardly having a say in the matter. In fact,
40 percent of the world's child marriages take place in India. And
traditions and social mores ensure that a marriage once solemnized
within the parameters of traditional requirements is considered
legitimate. Over the years wherever this practice of
abduction-for-marriage has been prevalent, even the village community
has been known to have extended support to the girl's side. And with
the advent of modern technology, practices such as these have moved to
the next level as the ceremony is videographed so that the tape can be
used as evidence subsequently in a dispute between both parties.

With 15 percent of girls in rural areas across the country married
before 13, the pressure to find grooms for them in a country with a
imbalanced sex ratio begins very early. Subsequently, the first
pregnancy for a majority 52 percent is between 15 and 19. But what
happens to the girls who have been forced into such marriages on the
basis of deceit - in this case deceiving the boy's family? What
happens to them once they leave their maternal homes and are sent to
their matrimonial homes? It is hardly surprising that in most cases
they are not accepted by the groom's side of the family. But with a
greater social stigma attached to abandonment many of these girls do
not even return to their native villages. The physical and mental
torture inflicted at the matrimonial homes becomes more acceptable
than having to carry the label of an abandoned woman. Many of the
grooms actually go on to marry again with these girls reduced to the
status of labor hands. Their vulnerability is heightened by the fact
that they are a mere commodity in this coerced social contract, with
physical and sexual exploitation, the punishment they bear for a crime
committed elsewhere. And with "fate" being the compelling argument in
the kind of groom they get, the fate of their lives too get relegated
to the realms of a dark, mute corners of a fake domesticity that even
their families rarely hear about.



--



You cannot build anything on the foundations of caste. You cannot
build up a nation, you cannot build up a morality. Anything that you
will build on the foundations of caste will crack and will never be a
whole.
-AMBEDKAR



http://venukm.blogspot.com

http://www.shelfari.com/kmvenuannur

http://kmvenuannur.livejournal.com



-- 



You cannot build anything on the foundations of caste. You cannot
build up a nation, you cannot build up a morality. Anything that you
will build on the foundations of caste will crack and will never be a
whole.
-AMBEDKAR



http://venukm.blogspot.com

http://www.shelfari.com/kmvenuannur

http://kmvenuannur.livejournal.com