[Reader-list] Julia Roberts becomes Hindu. But in which caste?

[Patrice Riemens]

original to:
http://www.dnaindia.com/opinion/column_dear-julia-roberts_1423112
bwo GoaNet/ Ruby Goes (?)


By Venkatesan Vembu | Place: Mumbai
Venkatesan Vembu


It has been brought to our attention, here at the Census bureau of India,
that you have recently proclaimed yourself a “practising Hindu” who goes
to temples to “chant and pray”. Representatives of overseas Hindu
organisations, seeing you as a brand ambassador who can elevate their
religious-spiritual order into a higher visibility orbit, have
enthusiastically welcomed you into the Hindu Very Divided Family.

A few dharmic organisations have made solicitous enquiries about the
precise nature of the rituals you underwent as part of your formal
initiation into the Hindu fold. Being fastidious custodians of dharmic
purity, they would like to re-enact your rite of initiation in the proper
way whenever you are in India next.

A few of our god-men who were unfortunately embroiled in sex scandals with
our desi actresses have crawled out of the woodworks to articulate their
desire to welcome you into the warm embrace of the Hindu order. However,
given their recent experience of embraces involving film stars, you might
be well advised to give them a wide berth.

As you may have inferred from all this, and from the extensive coverage
you’ve received in the Indian media, you’ve created quite a stir here.
There have sadly been a few uncharitable commentaries suggesting that your
search for a higher spiritual plane was, in fact, a lowly marketing
gimmick for your latest movie.

But that apart, it’s all been positive.

Which brings us to the subject of this letter. As an official body in a
secular republic, we merely take academic note of your proselytisation. In
any case, since you’re not an Indian citizen, you fall outside the purview
of our decennial census enumeration exercise. In other words, from our
perspective, you’re practically ‘untouchable’.

Even so, we’re writing to enlist your help with a matter that currently
has all of India agitated: the proposed caste enumeration as part of the
Census 2011 exercise. There’s been considerable opposition to the proposal
on the grounds that it will be ‘socially divisive’. Yet, you only have to
look at matrimonial ads in our newspapers to know that caste
considerations are alive in our society.

Perhaps the opposition to caste enumeration springs from an inhibition
about proclaiming our caste identity. Perhaps all it takes to break the
ice is a celebrity endorsement of the caste
enumeration project, a brand ambassador of caste identity. We believe that
as the newest star to embrace Hinduism, as someone whose 1990 film Sundar
Kanya (Pretty Woman dubbed in Hindi) had a silver jubilee run, and who
currently enjoys enormous goodwill in India, that ambassador ought to be
you.

So, Ms Roberts, tell us: what is your caste? Are you Julia Iyer or Jat Julia?

Yours sincerely
Census bureau