[Reader-list] For Apple Corporation Fans :)

[Jeebesh]

http://www.bosey.co.in/2008/09/apple-launches-ithing-nobody-knows-what.html

"“The iThing is amazing. Unlike windows - it never crashes, is  
extremely easy to use, and has absolutely no features . .er . .  
problems.”, said a spokesman for Apple. “Let's just face it - it's  
just BETTER.”, he said."

Apple launches iThing – nobody knows what it does, but millions line  
up outside stores to buy one!

by Anand Ramachandran, a proud member of the socio-religious-hip- 
amazingly-cool-and-even-more-cool DELL XPS cult. What? There isn't  
one? Oh! Damn!


World renowned cool company Apple Inc. has launched their latest  
product, the iThing – a strange, minimalistic handheld device with no  
apparent features or uses. Now available in stores globally, the  
iThing is unbelievable sleek, sexy, desirable and useless. While even  
Apple has admitted that they have no idea what it actually is, this  
hasn't prevented millions of Mac fans from lining up outside retail  
outlets from the wee hours of the morning to be among the first to own  
one.

“I'm a fan of anything Mac. I am proud that Apple have given me the  
opportunity to cluelessly stand in line for hours and pay through my  
nose for a product that I have no idea why I need!”, said a beaming  
Sankalesh Jimmy, conveniently stepping in to avoid embarrasment for  
any of the real-life Son of Bosey regulars, such as Tony Chacko and  
Nishraj Gurung.

“Mac fans. What idiots.”, snapped renowned windows fanatic Priya  
Krishnan, while waiting for Vista to recover from a critical crash on  
her Windows laptop.

“The iThing will revolutionize boring old things. Just like the iPhone  
revolutionized boring old phones, and the iMac revolutionized boring  
old Macs!”, said Apple supremo Steve Jobs, immediately regretting the  
last example and looking around shiftily to see if anyone noticed.  
“The iThing is the neXTstep in a proud Apple tradition of 'minimalist'  
design that makes products progressively more expensive and less  
useful.”, said Jobs, slipping in a quick in-joke that not many picked  
up on.

“The iThing is amazing. Unlike windows - it never crashes, is  
extremely easy to use, and has absolutely no features . .er . .  
problems.”, said a spokesman for Apple. “Let's just face it - it's  
just BETTER.”, he said.

““The iThing is amazing. Unlike windows - it never crashes, is  
extremely easy to use, and has absolutely no features . .er . .  
problems. Let's just face it - it's just BETTER ”, said a proud Mac  
user, exhibiting the well-documented Mac fan behaviour of cluelessly  
repeating Apple's marketing rhetoric, making people wonder why Apple  
need spokesmen at all.

“Hey, that's right! You're fired!”, said Steve Jobs to the spokesman,  
suddenly springing into action and instantly making Apple even more  
profitable. “We don't need any extra features, we don't need any extra  
employees. We're minimalist.”, he sniggered.

When someone nearby asked why people would be dumb enough to pay a  
large amount of money for something that has no actual use, Jobs  
retorted with a wink “If they believe that a company that stupidly  
squandered a genuine advantage, and made a decade of crummy mistakes,  
before regaining its market share a full twenty years later, is full  
of innovative geniuses, they'll believe anything! Besides, they lapped  
up the iPhone, didn't they?”

“Who says the iThing has no uses?” said Wildlife photographer and  
longtime Mac loyalist S.U.Saravanakumar. “Like all Apple products, it  
can be used to raise self-esteem, and to pick up chicks.”, he said,  
causing nearby Windows users to momentarily consider shifting to Mac  
themselves. “Not that I need it, heh heh!”, he added quickly.

“I would like to personally thank Apple for making 'I' the coolest  
alphabet in the world.”, said an excited Aravind Murali. “Who wants  
some Calamari?”, he asked, before trotting off with a Japanese looking  
individual in the general direction of Mahabalipuram.

As usual, other companies have been upset by Apple's instant success,  
and swung into action by announcing plans of their own. Sony has  
issued a press release that indicates that they will soon launch their  
own version of an overpriced, useless device called the  
er..uh..whateverStation. Microsoft has also said that they will issue  
an e-mail statement, just as soon as they can get IE to boot up.  
Nintendo was too busy making actually interesting products to respond  
to our messages.

Apple, however, is not resting on their laurels. They have already  
started work on making a TV remote control with no buttons (but with a  
nice, backlit Apple logo), and a gaming console that will have no  
actual games of its own, but which will come with an insanely cool  
virtual machine for running XBOX 360 games (just so that users can say  
“Did you know, you can actually run XBOX 360 games on a Mac? Wow!