[Reader-list] When IPL is nationalised

[Pheeta Ram]

Point number 2 and 9 are particularly worth noting. Despite being
tongue-in-cheek they tell us a lot about the author.

On Mon, May 10, 2010 at 1:49 PM, Kshmendra Kaul <kshmendra2005 at yahoo.com>wrote:

> Mail in circulation. Author not known. Delightful in parts.
>
> (I dont see anything funny about Cheerleaders performing folk dances during
> breaks)
>
> Kshmendra
>
>
> 22 things that will happen when the IPL is nationalised‏
>
> 1.     The new Commissioner of the IPL, replacing Lalit Modi, will be an
> IAS officer, 1989 batch, transferred from the Food Corporation of India
>
> 2.     Mayawati will demand, however, that the new Chairman should be her
> own candidate,  Mr Dalit Modi.
>
> 3.     The name of Mumbai Indians will immediately be changed to Mumbai
> Manus. It will, naturally, field only  Maharashtrians (preferably
> Maharshtrian Brahmins). All other players will have their legs broken.
> Zaheer Khan will have his house burned down. So will Irfan Pathan, Yusuf
> Pathan and Mohd Kaif.
>
> 4.     The Chennai Super Kings team will renamed Dravida Cricket Kazhagam.
> Subsequently one faction will break away and the team will split into DCK
> (DMK) and AIADCK, owing allegience to Karunanidhi and Jayalalitha
> respectively
>
> 5.     Each political party will have its own team: BJP Bandits, Congress
> Cobras, CPI  Cadres, Samajwadi Strikers, CPM Challengers, Trinamul Tigers
> etc
>
> 6.     Auction of players will be replaced by teams calling for tenders for
> players. The lowest priced players will be picked.
>
> 7. Cheerleaders will be replaced by honourable ministers who will give
> speeches during breaks in the match
>
> 8.     Sonia Gandhi will insist that 30% of each team should be reserved
> for be women
>
> 9.     Mayawati will demand that SC/ST players will need to run for only 18
> yards instead of 22 yards between the wickets
>
> 10.     Third Umpire requests will have to be filled in triplicate and duly
> notarized
>
> 11.  All Third Umpire decisions will be referred to a Joint Parlimentary
> Commission.
>
> 12.  IPL tickets will henceforth be available at all post offices and BSNL
> centers from 10 a.m. to 12.45 p.m. The facility to purchase tickets on your
> cell-phone will immediately be withdrawn
>
> 13.  Replacing an injured foreign player can be done only through a Tatkal
> application submitted 48 hours after a Govt doctor examines him
>
> 14.  Cheerleaders will be replaced by retired Air-India flight attendants.
>
> 15.  These new cheerleaders will perform the folk dances of the states they
> represent during breaks
>
> 16.  IPL matches will be shown only on Doordarshan. They will be telecast
> the day immediately following the match, from 4 a.m. to 7.30 a.m. and
> subsequently from 3.30 a.m. to 7p.m, subject to satellite link-up
> availability
>
> 17.  Between each  innings break Doordarshan will telecast the news in
> Hindi, followed by news for  the hearing impaired.
>
> 18.  Agricultural shots can be played only during the phase of the game
> termed "Krishi Darshan"
>
> 19.  There will be no matches on weekends or on national/regional holidays
>
> 20.  The three stumps will be painted saffron, white and green.
>
> 21.  Bowlers will have to bowl sarpatti and ghasssarkundi balls to the
> reserved players.
>
> 22.  Pakistan will immediately announce its intention to start its own
> version of the tournament called PPL and Mr Zardari will make a visit to
> Washington to meeet President Obama and seek an additional grant of $1
> billion to fund it
>
>
>
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