[Reader-list] Ayodhya case should be decided with technology,

[Inder Salim]

http://www.fakingnews.com/2010/10/ayodhya-case-should-be-decided-with-technology-claim-cricket-fans/

Mohali. Following the Allahabad HC judgment on the Ayodhya case last
week, many commentators and critics have put forward their own
alternative dispute resolution procedures. Now cricket fans of India,
arguably the largest active group in the country, have proposed that
the future of the Ram Janmbhoomi Babri Masjid site in Ayodhya should
be settled using modern technology.

The claim comes after Rahul Dravid said that technology should be used
wherever possible to make umpiring decisions more accurate. Cricket
fans have found much support amongst statisticians and computer geeks.
However, this bizarre alliance disagrees on how exactly a computer
should be used to settle the dispute.
AOE 3 - Asian dynasties

Sources suggest that Microsoft is secretly developing “Age Of Empires
– Ayodhya edition”

“The law of the jungle rule,” said “Darklord13″, an online gamer from
from Meerut, know as Manesh,14, to his Mum, “we just fire up
‘Civilization’ on a top-notch PC and watch the Hindu right and the
Islamic extremists battle it out. Maximum carnage. Let the superior
side win.” But Manesh is no advocate of violence. He was quick to
point out that he runs away from most fights with “bigger boys” and
doesn’t like “rough sports” much.

Statisticians disagree. A mathematical model is needed to determine
the most “efficient” and “statistically significant” solution, claims
Delhi-based number-cruncher Ravinder Kunwar. “My preliminary model
allocated 46.7453% of the land to Muslims at a confidence level of
95%,” he stated, confirming that his model factors out such variables
as “agitation”, “veiled threats of violence”, “stalling”, “delaying”,
“rabble rousing”, “half truths” and “downright lies”. Critics in the
judiciary have been quick to point out that last month Mr Kumar
claimed that the solution to the Kashmir conflict was “12.6″, which
has not yet been of much use.

But cricket fans have different ideas for technological intervention.
They are claiming that all the judges need to make the correct
decision is a “slow motion” replay of the events and “hawk-eye” to
determine if the mosque would have fallen down anyway without Hindu
nationalist intervention.

“The decision should not really need to be made,” said Shiv Mehta, a
cricket fan, “but neither side are ‘walkers’, they won’t leave the
crease if they know they’ve been caught out, rather they’re waiting
for the umpire to decide, it’s just not cricket.”

The “technological solution” has received the backing of some
academics. Dr Martin Fisher, visiting Professor at JNU told Faking
News, “The use of technology in the judiciary means that verdicts can
be made faster. A computer could decide the Ayodhya case in less than
0.10 seconds. Many more appeals would be possible because, given some
time for modifications to the model, there would be time for around
10,000 verdicts per hour.”

With both sides in a constant state of celebrating and appealing there
would be little time for communal violence, Professor Fisher claimed.
If one side is not happy with the programme, it could simply be
“switched off and on again”, he added.

However, both sides in the dispute are against use of any technology.
Hindu nationalists claim the computer plan is an “Islamic conspiracy”
and that the computer used would undoubtedly be a US machine brought
to India via “hard drive washing” programming at the ISI.

Likewise, Islamists contend that the machine would be an “Infosys
Hindu computer from Bangalore” complete with Ganesha mouse mat and
tikka (disguised as a webcam). Faking News contacted Infosys regarding
the religion of their software, but we were told that they “hadn’t
really thought about it”.

Despite much popular support, it is unlikely that the Government will
use computers to deal with the Babri Masjid case, despite initial
enthusiasm. “We like the idea,” said an unnamed Government minister,
“computers are much easier to deal with than judges and they don’t
need big houses, multiple cars and places to hide their assets.”

But with all the money being spent on the CWG (now a success), there
is little to invest in such a scheme. “We’re operating on loose change
at the moment,” said the minister, “maybe we could just toss a coin
instead.”
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