[Reader-list] kashmir story, but true

[Inder Salim]

Dear Sanjay
i was expecting such a comment, which i knew i will find difficult to
reflect, but i  took the risk to post it, and the intention was to
higlight the sufferings of women.

There must be numerous other such details which are potent to speak
about Women's issues, but this one came to me and i posted it as it
is.  Perhaps, i should have restrictied to the narrative strictly, but
that was instanly done, so yes, in a sense, it becomes my story, but
as i warned in  post, that this is one such, so no need to generalize,
but at the same time, it compled me to talk about it, and  know what
others think about it.

I posted this tragic piece , i called it tragic, because i see the
silent pain of  women in Kashmir, the voice of which we need  to hear
more clearly, which has not happned so far, i am afraid.

 and the moment Mr. Anil ( name changed ) told me i was truley pained,
but dont we have such layers in kashmir as i narrated. Dont you know
that Kashmiri Pandits never ate food in a Mulsim houses, akin to a
typical Brahmin who never ate in a Dalit home, but always wanted to
make sex with their women folk. This is true about many socieities
where different Hierarchies  do exist.   In general, i stll  feel,
that Kashmiri Pandit imagine/think as genotypes/purer/inheritor etc of
kashmiri past ,  which also places the kashmir issue in historical
perespective, a bit more, if not entirely... I guess, the difference
between the two is not based on hate only, but a strange  deep
intimacy which creates its own twisted reality. my own life with a
friend called Nazir ( not name changed ) is a long story, and may be
have seen some images in my little blog from exhibition titld EVOKING
NAZIR, which has nothing to do with this nazir ( name changed one ),
but there are layers, which are painful and celebratory at the same
time.

So, the posting of such story is not because i wanted to talk about
that imperative only,  but primarily about the pain of WOMAN which we
rarely come to know.  Women  have suffered endlessly in Kashmir, why
kashmir only, always, in the past where ever conflicts went to battle
fields for a just resolution. and as you may agree, we hardly hear
such voices of the voiceless in written history,

So, i guess, we need to take care of those voices as well,
irrespective of the fact which side we stand.  Needless to emphasize
here, that i personally stand for the Kashmir issue as it stands as
people's issue, something which Indian stane never considred, and
something which Pakistani state  cleverly brushes aside too,

So, i dont see, why focusing a kashmiri ex-militant/activist's
behaviour, who treated  his wife very badly,  should not be seen
something which speaks about the women who suffered. Moving away from
the intention of my posting would perhaps lead to further supression
of the voiceless. I am not claiming to represent that voice, but it
was a little effort, and, unfortunatly it looks only negative meaning
is erupting out, so may be you can help me  can restructure the entire
narrative, ...

And i strongy feel how to talk about that pain of voiceless,  even
environmental issues, without altering the Kashmir issue as it exists,
is also need of the hour,

 It is a fact that lot of activist/militant called freedom fighters as
well, or mujahdeen etc, have abandoned their acitivism and have
married or returned to barracks, if one can say like that. To my
knowledlge, largely they are living in a poor condition, I guess, we
rarely get to know about such  individuals in kashmir who were  roring
once with courage, Time, i guess changes lot sometimes,  Sheikh Mohd
Abudullah, was great hero in his youth, but times changed him too, and
he sold kashmir to India very clandestinely. I am not drawing a
comparison between this ex-militan Nazir and Sheikh but we can see how
a man can change, and change for the worst even.

 One such is Nazir, but there must be hundreds like that and who might
be going throuh hudreds of different things in life right now, who
knows, and you know the complexites of living in a traditional society
in kashmir, it is not easy, first to go to fight Indian forces, and
secondly to return to and live, marry and have children. Returning
from war, not dead , is no that life which we might talk plainly,

I just happend to travel  once in a bus from Jammu to Delhi with a man
in his forties. He too was ex-activist/militant ( what he to me, very
hesitatingly)  and  i have seen tears in his eyes while he talked
about his school mate freind Sanjay.

Now, while writing it looks fiction and the problem is that we often
generalize it as is a trend: the style media which generally does so,
but i dont see such things happenig in kashmir, except this one,

And in your own film, Jash-e-azadi, you have rightly higlighted the
problem of increasing  Psychiatric  cases in kashmir, and  so is
there is a possiblity to cure them, or , if not , what.... ( if one of
them forces his wife to sleep with a wife ) , what is the solution
then, or we  simply brush it under the carpet,

Here, i see this woman ( victim ) who has no space to protest, and if
she has,  she is likely to loose her family life, and even, may be
stoned to death,  how sad...

Kashmir has gone through hell, and is still going through, and we know
how women face it all.

If u remember, how i photographed from a distance, two army jawans
talking to two women  in kashmir,  which again, higlighted the
problems of the  most vulnerable, besides children

hope this will suffice,and  i am really conscious about the fact that
after listening such a thing, may be other forms of expressions could
have fallen in, say a poem or something else,  but, it was too
instant...

with love and regards
is


On Tue, Oct 13, 2009 at 11:48 AM, Sanjay Kak <kaksanjay at gmail.com> wrote:
> Dear Inder
>
> I found your post quite disturbing, and even distasteful, and not because I
> am a prude.
> You say at the end: "Now the question is do we suggest Nazir to meet a
> psychoanalyst?"
> If Nazir does exist, a poor Kashmiri, a former militant, I doubt whether he
> has access to the services of a psychoanalyst. But I think it is as
> important for the likes of us—and you included, Inder—who could fruitfully
> use the tools of psychoanalysis to interrogate our own projections.
>
> As far as I am concerned, whether Nazir exists, or Anil exists, or the story
> is "true", is immaterial.
> What matters is your telling of it: you are the author of this particular
> text for me.
> In particular I draw your attention to the following paragraph:
> "Nazir’s offer to Anil comes  because of two reasons. One, that Nazir had
> actually experienced group sex during his activist days, and does not see it
> as sin, and secondly he saw a meaning in the Anil’s presence in his home,
> which he knew not how to express, because he is poor and can not offer him a
> gift.  Is KP still a purer breed in Kashmir,  I am wondering?"
>
> Since you are "wondering" Inder, could you care to explain why the thought
> crossed your mind, the surprising idea that the Kashmiri Pandit is "still a
> purer breed in Kashmir"? Purer than what? And how?
> And the insight that Nazir had actually experienced what you call "group
> sex" in his activist days, and did not see it as sin... this is clearly your
> insight, or am I reading your narrative incorrectly?
>
> I dont wish to over-read your narrative, but as someone who has spent a
> great deal of time—even on this list—arguing for complex, layered readings
> of the simplest things, you of all people, Inder, should be the last person
> to author a clunky, crude, and often puerile narrative.
> I look forward to a more nuanced unpacking of your tale.
>
> Warmly
>
> Sanjay Kak
>
> On Sun, Oct 11, 2009 at 2:57 PM, Inder Salim <indersalim at gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>> Even if I was a writer, I will find it difficult to write.  But here
>> it is, in simple words, with very little of what might have actually
>> happened that night. This is just one case, so nothing to generalize,
>> and there is a lot to imagine:
>>
>> To begin with, Kashmir has two distinct identities, One Muslim and
>> other Hindu identity. Proportion wise there is no contrast, but if we
>> see it in historical  perspective, then  the hindu identity looks as
>> much visible as Muslim .
>>
>> It is here that both the communities have a bond, a strange one that
>> the cruel times of 1990 could not erase from  their collective memory.
>>
>> We all know Kashmiri Pandits migrated from the valley to Jammu and
>> other parts of India when Kashmiri uprising actually thought of
>> erasing all those traces in Kashmir which are associated with India.
>> Kashmiri Pandit was one such visible face of that long list of Indian
>> articles. So, KP’s had to move out leaving  behind home and hearth,
>> friends and fields, and I largely blame Indian Kashmir policy for
>> that.  Hate between these two communities hit the lowest during that
>> time, but times, as we know have different things in store, and we see
>> lot of hugs and warm exchanges between the two communities.  Muslims
>> help KPs as and when they visit valley, and Hindus too support their
>> children outside Kashmir. The bond is really deeper than what
>> politically remains elusive.
>>
>> But, when Mr. Anil ( named changed ) a KP visited his village he was
>> surprised by  something more than  a warm hug. Mr. Anil is a 1990
>> graduate but could not find a job in Jammu and is still unemployed and
>> a bachelor. His family’s ancestral land is quite in shambles, and he
>> is thinking to dispose that property to live decently in Jammu. That
>> is that.
>>
>> On entering his village he met his class mates and other friends who
>> are now married and living independently. During his month long stay
>> in his village he spent nights at homes of  different friends.
>>
>> It happened one night, during his stay when he was surprised by a mid
>> night whisper. It was his friend, Nazir ( name changed), who  was
>> offering him to have sex with his wife.  Mr. Anil, said no, no, but
>> Nazir insisted and wanted sincerely to gift something meaningful to
>> his friend, something different, so the idea of offering him his wife
>> was born.  Anil accepted the offer after he initially hesitated, which
>> followed by a repeat next day even.  One woman between two friends:
>> one hindu and other muslim. In simple words it was a group sex, but
>> Anil is now guilty and feels that it was too animal like, as Nazir’s
>> wife was not a willing partner in all of that.
>>
>> Nazir is an ex-militant, which Anil knew  since 1990. Anil and Nazir
>> have an inbuilt trust between them and that easily translated into
>> Anil’s willingness to stay at his home for couple of nights, and even
>> accept the most dangerous offer.  This  Kashmiri woman’s  role easily
>> falls into the popular feminist discourse, and questions the very
>> nature of male oriented agendas around our political spectrum.
>>
>> Nazir’s offer to Anil comes  because of two reasons. One, that Nazir
>> had actually experienced group sex during his activist days, and does
>> not see it as sin, and secondly he saw a meaning in the Anil’s
>> presence in his home, which he knew not how to express, because he is
>> poor and can not offer him a gift.  Is KP still a purer breed in
>> Kashmir,  I am wondering?
>>
>> And, as we know, woman  suffered terribly in Kashmir. First it was
>> Nazir and his friends who were given hero’s welcome wherever they went
>> with arms, and were obviously not stopped for their sexual excitement
>> during nights at different hide outs in different homes. And the
>> victim: as usual a woman.
>>
>> But what happened at Nazir’s home has different layering besides what
>> happens during group sex etc. Anil and Nazir are perhaps restoring
>> this bond at the cost of a dignity of a woman, which Nazir could not
>> see that evening, and Anil is seeing it now. I am sure, Nazir too must
>> be feeling  guilty somewhere in his heart, Anil told me.
>>
>> Now the question is do we suggest Nazir to meet a psychoanalyst? Is he
>> sick, or is he too a victim of circumstances. Or he is simply a male,
>> who does not know how to measure the dignity of a woman.  Or is Anil
>> to blame for what he agreed to do with a helpless woman in the
>> presence of her husband.
>>
>> Comments please
>>
>> With love and regards
>> Inder salim
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> --
>>
>> http://indersalim.livejournal.com
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