[Reader-list] “SUPPLEMENT STONE”

[mgowhar]

“SUPPLEMENT STONE”

*Note: This piece is just a parody and not intended to malign anybody or to
hurt feelings.

*
The Chief Minister of J&K Omar Abdullah has ordered a high level
“magisterial probe” after reports of people of Kashmir Valley abnormally
turning fatter. Addressing a hurriedly called Press Conference at his
residence Papa -2 ....oops Hari Niwas, Gupkar, CM assured transparent and
time bound investigations into the matter. Responding to a question of
allegations of Government hand in the whole affair Omar said “this is
nonsense; you can’t blame government for everything and anything. As I have
showed in the past and I assure you even this time that no culprit will be
shielded. But as of now investigations have revealed recovery of mysterious
powder from many parts of valley”

Sources privy to CM pleading anonymity disclosed that the shocking incidents
have shook the rank and file of administration. “We have deputed special
teams to the affected areas on instructions from CM. The samples of the
mysterious powder have been send to New Delhi for forensic tests. Top
Sources in police and admistration also revealed that as a preventive
measure police and sweepers have been instructed to remove the stones left
on the streets and by lanes of worst affected areas.

Meanwhile people had to break their doors and walls with crowbars and iron
rods as they couldn’t fit in. The worst affected areas of Srinagar, Sopore,
Baramulla and Anantnag have appealed for surplus crowbars and man power. “We
appeal to fellow brethren of Valley to help us at this testing moment with
whatever resources they can”, said a resident of Maisuma.(A locality reeling
under curfew from more than.)

*Separatist Version: *

Cutting across usual party divide all separatist parties have blamed
Government agencies for the fat phenomenon. A joint statement of “All
Parties Hurriyat Confrence stressed that the” fat phenomenon” is a covert
policy of GOI to weaken the ongoing struggle. “The GOI is playing dirty
tricks so that people of Valley will not be in position to pelt stones and
run due the accumulated fat.” Hurriyat Confrence (G) has come up with its
rhetorical ‘pur zoor mazamat’ and urged people to remain united at the
moment of crisis. As a rare incident of its kind Hurriyat Confrence (M) has
come up echoing the stance of Hurriyat (G). M has called people to support G
as the former is scheduled to attend a ‘talking tea party’ at Islamabad.
Meanwhile, the leaders of Itihaad-e- Sangbaraan (United Stone Pelters) have
retorted on their stand to continue their ongoing fight until they achieve
what they call “freedom from occupational forces.”

*Police Version:*
Police has appealed to all the respected citizens of the valley to surrender
all the stones in their possession. Each stone will be rewarded with Rs 5 at
nearest Police Station. (Offered for limited period only).
**** Note:* Respectable citizens are supposed to bring stones sealed in
bags. This is to nullify the speculations that some miscreants may respond
to the message by throwing stones on Police Stations and ask for
compensation.

*Centre: *
The centre has rubbed the allegations of their involvement in the ‘fat
phenomenon’. “There is definitely a foreign hand. We have a quarter of our
population suffering from hunger. If we had any technology of the kind we
could have used it on them. Samples of food in the affected areas have shown
large traces of stone powder. Apparently miscreants have smuggled the
technology of digesting stones.” said Jayanti Natrajan official spokeswomen
for ruling Congress party.
BJP the main opposition party has however cornered the ruling party on the
whole issue. BJP lamented Congress on taking soft stand on National
Security. “BJP thinks that Government initially led miscreants dump large
amounts of stone. We are now under serious threat. Government should ensure
that no stone is left unturned to ensure that no stone is left with anti
national elements.”

It was not considered important to look for peoples account on the whole
issue. In any case they don’t figure anywhere in the whole issue. After all
we need an economical or political solution, where is the need to ask
people? They will be shortly given what is felt appropriate...!!