[Reader-list] For Apple Corporation Fans :)

[Navayana Publishing]

Thanks Jeebesh
Enjoyed this thoroughly, belatedly though.
Anand

On Thu, Jan 28, 2010 at 3:52 PM, Jeebesh <Jeebesh at sarai.net> wrote:

> http://www.bosey.co.in/2008/09/apple-launches-ithing-nobody-knows-what.html
>
> "“The iThing is amazing. Unlike windows - it never crashes, is
> extremely easy to use, and has absolutely no features . .er . .
> problems.”, said a spokesman for Apple. “Let's just face it - it's
> just BETTER.”, he said."
>
> Apple launches iThing – nobody knows what it does, but millions line
> up outside stores to buy one!
>
> by Anand Ramachandran, a proud member of the socio-religious-hip-
> amazingly-cool-and-even-more-cool DELL XPS cult. What? There isn't
> one? Oh! Damn!
>
>
> World renowned cool company Apple Inc. has launched their latest
> product, the iThing – a strange, minimalistic handheld device with no
> apparent features or uses. Now available in stores globally, the
> iThing is unbelievable sleek, sexy, desirable and useless. While even
> Apple has admitted that they have no idea what it actually is, this
> hasn't prevented millions of Mac fans from lining up outside retail
> outlets from the wee hours of the morning to be among the first to own
> one.
>
> “I'm a fan of anything Mac. I am proud that Apple have given me the
> opportunity to cluelessly stand in line for hours and pay through my
> nose for a product that I have no idea why I need!”, said a beaming
> Sankalesh Jimmy, conveniently stepping in to avoid embarrasment for
> any of the real-life Son of Bosey regulars, such as Tony Chacko and
> Nishraj Gurung.
>
> “Mac fans. What idiots.”, snapped renowned windows fanatic Priya
> Krishnan, while waiting for Vista to recover from a critical crash on
> her Windows laptop.
>
> “The iThing will revolutionize boring old things. Just like the iPhone
> revolutionized boring old phones, and the iMac revolutionized boring
> old Macs!”, said Apple supremo Steve Jobs, immediately regretting the
> last example and looking around shiftily to see if anyone noticed.
> “The iThing is the neXTstep in a proud Apple tradition of 'minimalist'
> design that makes products progressively more expensive and less
> useful.”, said Jobs, slipping in a quick in-joke that not many picked
> up on.
>
> “The iThing is amazing. Unlike windows - it never crashes, is
> extremely easy to use, and has absolutely no features . .er . .
> problems.”, said a spokesman for Apple. “Let's just face it - it's
> just BETTER.”, he said.
>
> ““The iThing is amazing. Unlike windows - it never crashes, is
> extremely easy to use, and has absolutely no features . .er . .
> problems. Let's just face it - it's just BETTER ”, said a proud Mac
> user, exhibiting the well-documented Mac fan behaviour of cluelessly
> repeating Apple's marketing rhetoric, making people wonder why Apple
> need spokesmen at all.
>
> “Hey, that's right! You're fired!”, said Steve Jobs to the spokesman,
> suddenly springing into action and instantly making Apple even more
> profitable. “We don't need any extra features, we don't need any extra
> employees. We're minimalist.”, he sniggered.
>
> When someone nearby asked why people would be dumb enough to pay a
> large amount of money for something that has no actual use, Jobs
> retorted with a wink “If they believe that a company that stupidly
> squandered a genuine advantage, and made a decade of crummy mistakes,
> before regaining its market share a full twenty years later, is full
> of innovative geniuses, they'll believe anything! Besides, they lapped
> up the iPhone, didn't they?”
>
> “Who says the iThing has no uses?” said Wildlife photographer and
> longtime Mac loyalist S.U.Saravanakumar. “Like all Apple products, it
> can be used to raise self-esteem, and to pick up chicks.”, he said,
> causing nearby Windows users to momentarily consider shifting to Mac
> themselves. “Not that I need it, heh heh!”, he added quickly.
>
> “I would like to personally thank Apple for making 'I' the coolest
> alphabet in the world.”, said an excited Aravind Murali. “Who wants
> some Calamari?”, he asked, before trotting off with a Japanese looking
> individual in the general direction of Mahabalipuram.
>
> As usual, other companies have been upset by Apple's instant success,
> and swung into action by announcing plans of their own. Sony has
> issued a press release that indicates that they will soon launch their
> own version of an overpriced, useless device called the
> er..uh..whateverStation. Microsoft has also said that they will issue
> an e-mail statement, just as soon as they can get IE to boot up.
> Nintendo was too busy making actually interesting products to respond
> to our messages.
>
> Apple, however, is not resting on their laurels. They have already
> started work on making a TV remote control with no buttons (but with a
> nice, backlit Apple logo), and a gaming console that will have no
> actual games of its own, but which will come with an insanely cool
> virtual machine for running XBOX 360 games (just so that users can say
> “Did you know, you can actually run XBOX 360 games on a Mac? Wow!
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