[Reader-list] Fw: 'What Is Eve Teasing?' - Opinion Poll Results

Sun Nov 8 14:18:23 IST 2009

@ Meera and your response to Subhrodip

I agree that there is no problem in showing your liking towards someone ,
but the question is HOW?
how are you expressing it? does it sometimes take the form of stalking?

10 years ago I was stalked for 15 kms. I was on the bus and he was on the
bike and he stopped at every bus stop and then it was my turn to get off the
bus.
I had to confront him and ask him why he was stalking me. He said he only
wanted to ask me out for coffee and then he laughed. It was frightening.
Yes he simply expressed interest  in an unwanted aggressive persuasive
manner. Could we put him in the category of men who hear 'yes for no'- (*ladki
ki na mein haan hai*). Or how do we respond to Annie's story
http://blog.blanknoise.org/2009/08/tale-of-lovelustwhateveritwas.html#links

What form does this expression take? How much of it is a series of
misinterpretations? How much of it is intends to intimidate?

Blank Noise lists 'looking' in the 'eve teasing' opinioin poll and in the
past it has been debated, questioned, rejected, accepted for its place
there. This is not to say 'don't look' but to question HOW one is looking or
how and or where one is looking.

@ Rakesh
Yes women do have the right to protest, to respond, to react
but it is extremely challenging to walk around believing you( female ) can,
because there's been such a history of fearing men, and of public spaces
that belong mostly to men. There's been a history of believing that if you
experience harassment, it is your fault and that 'you ask for it'. Too many
women feel guilt for having been violated on the streets, they never speak
about it for reasons such as ' why draw further attention to yourself and
the body' that too in public. Street sexual harassment has been internalized.
It would be insightful to observe how women and men walk, who walks fast,
slow, occupies the middle of the pavement, maintains eye contact, carries
things and more things, is on the phone.
http://blog.blanknoise.org/2009/06/step-by-step-guide-to-unapologetic.html

We create events that ask women to be Action Heroes by simply occupying the
streets in an idle state. This intervention challenges both the participant
( Action Hero) and the public itself. What is it like for women to be on the
street to do nothing, to not have the phone, to not be constantly looking at
the time as though waiting for someone, to not look anxious and nervous.
What happens to the street when it witnesses such an event. We have had rows
of men waiting, waiting for something to happen, or men walk up to a girl
who is just standing there to ask her ' why are you standing here'? Just
standing idle on the street becomes provocative. These events are designed
with a 'what if' scenario in mind. What if there were a 100 idle yet
'unavailable' women on the street?
The relationship with the city and public also becomes less fear based.

My grandmother tells me that when she was in 12  , she would nervously walk
through the lanes with her friend to go to school. She said she was nervous
because she was scared the boys might tease her and therefore her
'reputation might be tarnished'. A few years ago I heard about a 10 year old
girl from a Delhi slum who stopped going to school because she was harassed
and 'teased' everyday on her way to school. A  year ago I met someone who
had stepped out alone for the first time in 20 years. This was in
Manchester. She was of south asian origin and had been living in Manchester
for 20 years. It was always assumed that she would go out with her family ,
never alone. Her story is here:
http://blog.blanknoise.org/2008/04/where-are-you-going.html

Some more thoughts on this here:
http://blog.blanknoise.org/2009/10/on-being-asked-if-bangalore-is-safe-or.html#links

Jasmeen

http://blog.blanknoise.org

On Mon, Nov 2, 2009 at 9:13 AM, Meera Rizvi <meera.rizvi at gmail.com> wrote:

> Dear Subhrodip,
>
> There is no problem in showing your liking for someone. Most women, and I
> speak as a woman, are flattered by genuine admiration even if they do not
> return it. Eve teasing refers to situations which feel disempowering to a
> woman - where she feels scared, nervous and violated. These situations
> depict contempt rather than admiration.
>
> So, if I am waiting for walking on a lonely road, and someone rides their
> motorbike too close to me - I would consider it eve teasing even though
> they
> may not have touched or groped. If you are waiting on a lonely bus stop at
> a
> late hour and a car stops a few feet away from you, it makes most women
> nervous. On the other hand, if the same thing happened when one was with a
> gang of friends, it would not even register. Or if it did, it would be
> amusing.
>
> So, in short, eve teasing, simply defined is an attempt to brow beat a
> woman, to undermine her will and to snatch from her the freedom of choice.
> Asking someone out politely is not eve teasing.
>
> Regards,
>
> Meera
>
>
> On 11/1/09, subhrodip sengupta <sub_sengupta at yahoo.co.in> wrote:
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > ----- Forwarded Message ----
> > From: subhrodip sengupta <sub_sengupta at yahoo.co.in>
> > To: Amit Basole <abasole at gmail.com>
> > Sent: Sun, 1 November, 2009 9:13:38 PM
> > Subject: Re: [Reader-list] 'What Is Eve Teasing?' - Opinion Poll Results
> >
> >
> > Again what is the problem with showing a liking towards soebody's
> feature.
> > Does liking translate into disrespect or necessary intrusion into
> another's
> > space? Emotionally does it mean I have to be beautiful to  my lover only?
> > The word only causes the problem. I am against  disaalowing somebody of
> the
> > beauties I enjoy. Isn't it true one need to  objectify this as well. Self
> > imposing oneself as a moral guardian only increases the problem. Let me
> be
> > more precise one of my best friends left me only because she felt I was
> too
> > dumb.
> > Regarding Rakesh's convinction, may I ask if he had a recipe which the
> > women used to ward off eve-teasers? Sone sort of charm that does not at
> > least attract the wrong attraction?
> > Taking up Ur's contribution regards US, Amit in Delhi, I have resolutely
> > stopped looking at Vests and T-shirts of my dear womenfolk. I do not care
> > that much for staring at boobs, but that I could not controll my emotions
> > after reading whats on them. what I mean is, the intent of fashion is
> often
> > different from activism. Because i wear something does not mean I mean
> it,
> > so any kind of awareness movement or protest in the Us has not been
> strong,
> > lest effective. Regarding Sensitisation, creating gender awareness, let
> me
> > share my experience with U all. Every time the matter of the conversation
> > would be diverted to a hypporictic world, as to how others ought to
> behave,
> > and that would involve Rama Sita, and a hollocaust.  Onl at times we
> really
> > talked about how women and men see each other, how could we set space for
> > others---- men and women to come along. After all a public slur at one's
> > sister is not the best greeting everybody likes in the morning!
> > One should remember eve-teasing is only one form of harrasment, so gender
> > abuse at work place, talking about somebody's sex life or breasts or even
> > asking for favour is not eveteasing, touching private parts in a bus,
> > definitely is. The distinction is the intimacy and purpose, other than
> that
> > of getting laid, which is just face of gender behaviour what is the
> purpose?
> > And as one of my friends used to tell me, Do not fear anything or anyone,
> > ................... Bear the consequences of your action as well... What
> is
> > the problem to accept that we accidentally hurt someone? What is the
> problem
> > in getting slapped?
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > ________________________________
> > From: Amit Basole <abasole at gmail.com>
> > To: Rakesh Iyer <rakesh.rnbdj at gmail.com>
> > Cc: Sarai List <reader-list at sarai.net>; Hemangini Gupta <
> > hemanginig at gmail.com>; Jasmeen Patheja <machleetank at rediffmail.com>
> > Sent: Sun, 1 November, 2009 7:24:42 PM
> > Subject: Re: [Reader-list] 'What Is Eve Teasing?' - Opinion Poll Results
> >
> > Regarding Kshemendra's query, for the record and speaking as a man,
> > "talking
> > to breasts" is a very common occurrence and lived reality for women not
> > only
> > in India but also other places. I recall t-shirts worn by women in the US
> > where the line "I am up here" with an arrow pointing towards the head is
> > printed across the chest. This is a form of protest against the practice.
> > It
> > is a type of objectification so common as to pass completely unnoticed by
> > the man doing it or seeing other men do it.
> >
> > Amit
> >
> > On Sun, Nov 1, 2009 at 2:33 PM, Rakesh Iyer <rakesh.rnbdj at gmail.com>
> > wrote:
> >
> > > Dear Chandni
> > >
> > > I think the larger problem is that the people who feel uncomfortable
> > don't
> > > even open their mouth about it. And sometimes when they do, the society
> > > doesn't listen at all to them. And hence suggestions like these.
> > >
> > > What is required is not only a debate among intellectual classes, but
> > even
> > > within the entire society. Here we have a society where if a rape were
> > > taking place on the streets, half of us would be engaged in watching it
> > and
> > > even recording clips, some of whom would be even going to find out if
> > they
> > > have a chance of enjoyment or not, and the others would ignore it and
> > walk
> > > away. How many of us (including me) would actually like to be someone
> who
> > > is
> > > the evidence of the crime and hence speak out against the accused? And
> > how
> > > many would actually go out and try to stop it, at least make an
> attempt?
> > >
> > > And on top of this, once the rape is over, the girl will be blamed, not
> > the
> > > boy. As if the girl readily agreed for sex on the street to portray
> > herself
> > > as a porn actress.
> > >
> > > I am quite happy though that such views are indeed coming across, and
> > would
> > > like more such things. But we need to ask the questions which I did, in
> > > addition to of course, those which can talk about how such situations
> can
> > > be
> > > worked upon. In India, even the police and society generally says the
> > same
> > > thing as the BJP candidate said.
> > >
> > > Rakesh
> > > _________________________________________
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> > >
> >
> >
> >
> > --
> > Amit Basole
> > Department of Economics
> > Thompson Hall
> > University of Massachusetts
> > Amherst, MA 01003
> > Phone: 413-665-2463
> > http://www.people.umass.edu/abasole/
> > blog: http://thenoondaysun.blogspot.com/
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>
> --
> Meera
> _________________________________________
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